Veni, Vidi, Vici

The battlefield is a scene of constant chaos. The winner will be the one who controls that chaos…

-Napoleon Bonaparte

My wife and I recently undertook the task of transitioning our office/playroom into a dedicated playroom. At one point, we had a desk, a computer, a file cabinet, and a printer as well as some knick-knacks that were our own. We have resisted turning this room over to our ruthless invaders for about 3 and a half years. After all, why would they need more square footage? They already have a bedroom each, toys in the cabinets in the den, and about half of the room in question. There is no way that we, as adults, should give up more of the space that we pay for each and every month, right? When I began thinking of this inevitable transition, I immediately thought of a man that is trying to conquer the world…Napoleon. This man of small stature is accurately representative of my lovely children, and for that reason, this post will refer to their actions and the resulting takeover by way of some of Mr. Bonaparte’s most poignant statements.

A revolution can be neither made nor stopped. The only thing that can be done is for one of several of its children to give it a direction by dint of victories.

The best way to describe what my children are doing to the house is that of a revolution. They are revolting against the confines of their habitat. Mind you, we discussed their habitat earlier, and I really don’t think they should feel confined, yet that is what it seems. Their conquest has taken place in a series of small victories. The revolution cannot be stopped; we must accept it. Defeat is imminent. The children are wise. They know that they cannot defeat the parents all at once. It is impossible to take over an entire house in one battle. They must work with great resolve and strategy. I can only imagine the meetings that take place when we are not looking - the plotting, the conniving. This is how I envision these meetings transpiring…

A paltry bedroom? No, that is not enough. After all, we will require more things, and we will need space for these things.

Four measly cabinets in the den? We deserve more! We are the joys of their lives!

Finally, a playroom! Oh look. Isn’t that cute? They kept their desk in here with the computer. That will not be here for long. We mustn’t allow them to maintain a presence in OUR playroom.

Viva Les Enfants!

The truest wisdom is a resolute determination

To say my children are determined would be a gross understatement. It is their determination that has gotten them everything they have. This is the same with most children. Think of the last time you told your child “no”; how often did your resolve morph into a collective bargaining agreement? Who really won that battle? You may think you did because the child(ren) agreed to the terms, but in all actuality, there were no terms at the outset of the incident – Children = 1, Parent = 0. It is essentially a plea bargain. You know that you don’t have enough patience to win, so you plea out. Yet another battle won by the little soldiers.

He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat.

This is not to say that we, as parents, are fearful of our children as people, but we are fearful of their abilities to make us cave. They have this way of manipulating us in such a manner that we have no choice but to waver, and often times, we are not even aware we are doing so. We are told as parents to pick our battles (very apropos phrasing), but do we not think our children are doing the same thing?

This is what we hear - “What? I can’t have the Twinkie before dinner? No fair!”

This is what they are thinking – “Fine, I will get the Twinkie after I eat my vegetables. Oh, and by the way, I am taking over the damn house.”

I can no longer obey; I have tasted command, and I cannot give up.

This is the basis for every child’s belief system. Once they understand that they have this power, albeit limited, they want more. Do you ever tell your child to do something once? I didn’t think so. Again, this speaks to the resolve of our adversaries. We can only hope that this strength of mind will carry on for much of their adult life to ensure success in future endeavors and challenges.

My final quotes have to do with the parents (i.e. The Conquered). For every victor, some entity must be defeated.

One should never forbid what one lacks the power to prevent.

In order to govern, the question is not to follow out a more or less valid theory but to build with whatever materials are at hand. The inevitable must be accepted and turned into advantage.

We all know that we are powerless against our kids. This is what we knew as soon as they were born. We can act like the hard-ass when we need to, but when it comes right down to it, they conquer us. They get the better of us every day – through their laughter, their smiles, their hugs, when they want only to hold our hands. Whatever they do, no matter how frustrating sometimes, they defeat us, and we love it. I look at the battles that we go through day in and day out, and I don’t see my submission as defeat; I see it as forfeiting. The inevitable, as Mr. Bonaparte mentions, is the child’s victory. We must accept this and use it to our advantage. How? You knew they were getting that Twinkie. In fact, they are the reason you bought them in the first place. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t use it to get them to eat their vegetables. This scenario may seem like a victory for the children, but didn’t they eat the vegetables? There are some issues that we must remain steadfast, but overall we want the world for our kids. So, is a playroom too much to ask?  These are my little corporals, and they are worthy opponents.