There’s no chivalry in culture any more. Sometimes you meet someone who everyone says is polite and you’re like, ‘Wow,’ but then it’s like, ‘Hang on, isn’t everyone supposed to be polite?’
-will.i.am
I usually like to use some incredibly philosophical quote to begin my posts, and while our friend will.i.am is not exactly Socrates, he is spot on with this statement. As of late, my writing has concentrated on my children and what it means to me to be a good dad. This one will be a little different…
Currently, at my place of work, I have the honor of riding the shuttle from my car to the office. This is basically a charter bus full of everyone that you could think might spend their day at a medical school – nurses, administrators, doctors, students, etc. My workday begins at 6:00 a.m. and, oddly enough, the bus gets pretty full in the wee hours of the morning. We make numerous stops before arriving at my particular building. At one point, we stopped and a good number of people boarded this already crowded bus. There were just enough seats for every person but one. One young lady (I hate that I can say that nowadays) was left without a seat. Without thinking, I stood up, tapped her on the shoulder, and offered her my seat. It was merely a reflex if nothing else. Keep in mind as you read this that I am not tooting my own horn, but I am just making an observation.
As this lady thanked me and had a seat, the driver actually stopped the bus, turned around, and told me how nice that was and that not many people do things like that anymore. This really caught me off guard. I never really thought of it before, but now that I think of it, he’s right. When I am riding the bus in the morning and the afternoon, there are many women standing instead of sitting. And, yes, there are able-bodied men sitting their happy asses in the seats (I am not one of them). It definitely is rare that any man offers his seat to a lady, if I have ever seen it at all. I told the driver that it was no big deal, and it shouldn’t be. At the next stop, about a dozen women got off the bus, and each one of them made it a point to thank me for what I had done, as if I had just performed CPR and saved someone’s life. I stood up and gave up my seat – that is all.
Mr. i.am is right. Everyone is supposed to be polite. That is the way things should be. When you are a man in the company of a woman, there are certain things that should be remembered:
Open doors – this is not a difficult task. You will need to open the door anyway to get where you are going anyway. You might as well let the lady go first.
Walk on the street-side of the sidewalk – this is a tip not many know. You are to put yourself in harm’s way and act as the buffer between the lady and traffic.
Let women off the elevator first – what are you in such a rush for anyway?
Use appropriate language – imagine you are talking like that in front of your mother or grandmother. Got it?
Pay – that is all. I understand if you are on hard times. If that is the case, don’t go out. Easy enough.
There are others, but I could go on forever. In fact, if there are some that are important to you, please leave them in the comments. This is not to say that all manners are incumbent upon the male. It is up to the woman to be a lady.
As I was being thanked for being a decent person on that bus, I looked at the driver and told him that is just the way I was raised, and that is the truth. My parents and grandparents made sure that I knew my manners, and the training apparently is evident. All this is to say that I will raise my children in the same fashion – it is just unfortunate that it is considered old-fashioned. My wife and I make sure that Hannah and Alex know how to act and that manners are of utmost importance. We are doing our best to raise a lady and a gentleman. My son will get his ass out of that seat and offer it to a lady that is standing, and when this gesture is bestowed upon my daughter, she will be appreciative.
Thank you to my parents and grandparents for instilling these values in me. I only hope that my children will value them as well.
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